Can we put a damper on one part of the feminist movement?
The part where we legitimize everything the body does as “natural” and
therefore “not gross”? I have a bulbous festering blister on my toe and it is
gross. My body made it, and it’s grossing me out. I don’t need this phalanges
sized skin bubble to be normalized by society. I hate it, and it’s disgusting.
My body, my rules.
Some friends from Melbourne came and visited me! I think I
might serve as an outpost for my comrades heading north to the Great Barrier Reef.
We drank on the beach and played that game where you have to guess the name of
the person on your forehead by asking questions.
It’s a good game but I think in general I don’t like games.
People always want to play cards or charades or something. I don’t know why but
I find it really stressful. There’s competition and performance. You want to do
well, and someone always loses, but sure it doesn’t really matter but when
someone suggests we play a game I’m always adverse to it. Once we start playing
I’m usually good though.
I think I prefer having a deep interesting conversation
about something rather than playing games. Because games take up a lot of that
same head space. You can’t be thought provoking and critical while counting the
number of hearts everyone has. If you play a game like that then I feel like it
deflects nuanced convos. Then again, I don’t really know how to make those
happen organically either. So games it is I suppose.
I’m sitting in my car near the pier, stealing wifi from a café.
There’s a big ass pelican in the water and it’s making me nervous. I know I’m
in a car but I’m fairly certain it could smash through the wind shield if it
wanted.
Which is why I don’t fear sharks.
If you’re not afraid of dogs then you shouldn’t be afraid of
sharks. Sharks are just like big water dogs. If a big dog wanted to, it could
tear you apart, shark style. Any time you go chilling with a dog you’re just
assuming it won’t. Which probs keeps you and the dog pretty chill. You should
do the same with sharks. Just be chill. It could rip you apart, but it probably
won’t.
I don’t fear sharks but I do fear the ocean. It’s all 3-D
and you’re limited in mobility. When you’re on land nothing is gonna “get cha”
from above you or from under your feet. But in the ocean anything can come from
anywhere and that includes sharks. I hate not being able to see in all those
directions.
Also your head can just make stuff up and freak you out.
Have you ever been swimming in a pool and pretended a shark was coming to get
you as you tried to climb out the ladder? Try that and then take some blood
pressure meds to get back to normal.
Also I like some games. I like video games a lot. Playing
smash bros with friends is awesome! And you can still have those convos. Or at
least I can. And I like Settlers of Catan too. There’s not as much time
pressure. Maybe I’m just more comfortable with those games than I am with card
games or charades or that one where you have to guess things and you it beeps
faster as time runs out. That one reminds me of sharks.
Any way I went up to Noosa with Melby friends. I drove
there. I can almost drive now, although if I get pulled over by the cops I’m
kinda worried about what will happen. My license is fine, I think. But I don’t
know how registration or insurance works. My boss just sorta handed me a car
one day. And now I drive it around.
Noosa is the place to go on the Sunshine Coast. It’s got a big national park where whales come and visit for tea in August. There’s lots of surf beaches, and it’s a little rich but most of Australia is. We wandered along a coastal track, one of the beaches was called “Granite Bay”. The waves rolled in and as the water seeped back into the ocean little pebbles would roll back into place among the bigger ones and it sounded like applause in a concert hall. Like the little rocks were clapping for the surfers.
I went to trial voice lesson tonight. I really love singing
and it’s probably what I should’ve went to college for. I used to spend study
halls reading about my favorite singers. Not just the crazy stories of rock
stardom but like the individual notes they’d sing. There’s this great forum I
visit called “The Range Place”. They compile the highest and lowest notes
singers sing. I’d find a lot of new music there.
I really think about voices a lot. I pay super attention to
the way people speak. A lot of guys lower or grind their voice because that’s “manlier.
And that’s only in semi quotes because it works. There are a lot of studies
that say men who speak in a deeper tone command the conversation, and of course
that women prefer men with lower voices.
(Citations, non MLA format)
After the trial
lesson she left me with like an iffy feeling. I think my tweet sums it up best.
I think I was just turned down from voice lessons because she said "I can't help you" and I'm not sure if it's a compliment or an insult
— Tay Nordell (@HazardousTay) May 18, 2015
I got the boot the next day. It's ok though, I think she genuinely thought she couldn't help me and I'm glad she was honest. I'll find some other teachers or outlets.
