I took some driver’s lessons because I have to learn how to drive manual for my job. They’re giving me a car and everyone in Australia drives manual. Manual isn’t as fun. You have to think more. And driving for me is super zen and relaxing. Now I have to think about everything and speed and cars and clutch and brakes. I just want to go.
The guy I’m taking lessons with is kind of an ass as well.
He’s always saying things like “hey, you hear that right? It’s messing up my
gear box”. Well if you cared so much about your precious gearbox then maybe you
shouldn’t have taken a job teaching people how to drive. He’s also constantly
giving little bits of info “easy on the clutch, you can go faster around this
corner, handbrake on the hill” and it’s like I got it, I’m just learning how to
be an octopus, could you give me a second?
Everything is also topsy turvy, I’m driving on the other
side of the road and the turning signals are flipped as well. It’s a real brain
exercise.
I was also breathalyzed for the first time which was weird.
The guy told me to blow until he said to stop, “keep going, keep going, you’ve
got more in ya”. It was weird and then I jambled off, with a big racket of
crunching gears.
I did some stand up at an open mic. I didn’t expect much,
but the scene was really good! I thought it would be in like an events room of
a bleh bar, but it was in the basement of a bleh bar and it was very “old bar”
with stone walls and wooden fixtures. A bunch of people came, like 40, and 14
performed. And almost everyone who performed was really good. There was even an
improve troupe that did ok! Improv is fun to make fun of. But they did this
skit about the Vice President and Obama and cake and it was silly like improv
is.
I followed those guys and I always go short on my set
because I get really nervous, and forget things even when I do well. And I have
a general philosophy of leaving people wanting more rather than less. So I did
like 2 minutes, there was a drunk guy who half heckled me. He performed later,
he wasn’t good. Here’s a recording.
I have to say that it was probably the best response I’ve
gotten from an audience ever. A lot of people told me that “Jesus on a stick”
was their favorite joke of the night. I gotta make some new ones of the same
caliber.
The best part was that it was really easy to make some new
friends. People came up and told me I did well and I have a bad habit of not
doing the same or doing it after they compliment me so it might seem less
genuine, but really I’m just wrapped up in nervousness and anxiety.
Anyway, I got to talking to people and now I know that if I
can go out to places and perform I can probs make friends as if I were in a
hostel. Since I’ll be working and living away from people I was worried I’d get
lonely. I just wanted that balance of sociability and “own spaceness”. That
needs a word. I propose dominion, or individuspace.
I’m going to see Spoons! After a lot of flip floppy back and
forth… Spoons would give not-so-subtle hints that she wanted me to see her like
“I hear they uhm, have good open mics in Sydney”. But then whenever I tried
explicitly arrange to meet, she was all “no no no, don’t come”. Flippy floppy.
But I get it, I would spend a decent chunk of money just to see her and that’s
a lot of pressure and you might feel guilty. But she still wants to see me. You
could spin it either way.
So I couldn’t try to clearly arrange a meet up point with
Spoons. But I knew she was going to Sydney for a few days before she heads home
for the US. So I left an appropriate hour and a half gap in our texting convo,
the amount of time to fly from Brisbane to Sydney, and then exclaimed “Sorry, I’ve
just landed”.
So I tricked her. With her thinking that I’d already arrived
she gave up her itinerary for her time in Sydney and now I can plan it most efficiently.
My flight arrives an hour before hers and I figure I’ll surprise her at the
gate.
And then we hung out in Sydney and that’s all I’ll say about
that. It was good.
I had my first day as strawberry doctor! I followed around
Angus (not Young) and tried to learn all that I could. I study now, I borrowed
some books on strawberries (yea, there’s more than one) and read them. I took notes in the field and felt like
Captain Olimar, since there’s all these weird little creatures you’d never
really notice without a microscope and some focus.
Angus told me about these birds called Plubbers which swoop
in and attack people. They’re the ones that attacked me in Darwin! They’re
super territorial about their nests, but also sometimes they fake nests and
attack people for approaching nests that don’t even exist. They mate for life,
and they have a spur under their wing that they slice people and animals up
with. Angus says they’re poisonous. He means venomous, but neither of that is
true. But still, very Australian.
And then there’s everything you can see under the scope.
Armies of caterpillars and mites and fungi. It’s all very alien and I’m still
learning. I’ll report back later.
I live in the most perfect gorgeous place ever. I live like
50 feet from the beach, and it’s just miles of sparsely populated beaches. As
far as I could run. There were occasional Californian cliffs, breaking up the
sand, and rivers emptying into the ocean. But mostly just perfect surf beach.
It’s enough to make me almost satisfied. I’m done. I’ve gotten the best there
is. Run and swim every day in the sun.
I’m trying to brag about where I live. It’s where people
come to vacation. WHERE AUSTRALIANS GO TO GET BEACHES. Ijust want to shout “HEY
I LIVE HERE!” but I figure the only response I’d get back is “yea, we all do”. Tourist
season is over. But it’s still the best place.
There is one bad thing about Australia though. It’s so bad
at internet. My apartment doesn’t have internet. I could buy some internet but
it’s super expensive for only 4 months. It’s soups expensive regardless. I’m
using my phone as a hotspot. They just got Netflix so I’m hoping Aussies all
get addicted and invest in the infrastructure.
