I’ve worn the same clothes for three days. Same shirt,
shorts and undies. Not same socks though. That’d be gross.
I’m a carny at a carnival. I put the children on a steel,
yet somehow still rickety, rollercoaster. I have to go very fast or my boss
yells at me. He yells at me anyway. It’s ok. His face is broken and ugly. After
a while all his words just buzz together and I’m not listening.
I have a hat too. A big wide brim one that tries to protect
me from the sun. I like the hat. It’s the only thing associating with Moomba
that’s on my side. Even if I still get a little sunburnt at the end of the day.
I have coworkers too. James, I spend the most time with. He’s
got rotten teeth and it reminds me to floss. He spits when he talks too. Like a
sputtering water hose. I’d wash my face if I could. But there’s no soap around
here. He’s a little bit racist, in a way that you want to correct, but you also
don’t want to have a conversation for fear of a saliva shower.
There’s no time anyway. The train rolls around to the
station again. I bolt out to my cars to unbuckle the passengers and give a
quick thank you before my boss whisks them away and off the ride. The
transaction is complete.
And he zips back. Shouting things through a crooked mouth.
Yelling, really yelling at children to hurry up and get in the cars. It’s
another thing that bothers me and I want to do something about. But I won’t, he’s
paying me and there’s no time for anything but herding people and collecting
their money.
Every other ride I’ll get a complaint. “That was $8?? We
only went around twice”! It’s true, we had been shorting them a lap. Yesterday
we were doing three go rounds. “Hey, tell that red headed guy, I’ll slug him if
he talks to my children like that again”. I want to tell the father to do it. I’d
join him. But I need the money. I always whisper an apology and the shuffling
of the crowd pushes them away before anything else can be done.
There is an upside. They play music and I get to sing/ I
sing. It’s not a part of the ride.
It’s an odd mix of Wiggles, AC/DC and remixed pop songs. I
handle the middle. A classic 70s song comes on and I just have to sing. I like
to think it’s like how the slaves used to sing songs during their labor. I
wouldn’t make that comparison though, that’s insensitive. I’ve been hanging
around James all day.
Dylan pops out from the ticket booth. Dylan is head dildo.
He takes James and I aside. “You guys have to move faster. You should be
getting people in and out of the ride in less than a minute. I’ve been timing
you and you’ve been taking three or four”. Well first of all, I’m not a paraplegic
so it’s not taking me that long.
And secondly, we have a rare and wonderful opportunity to
make a little boy or girl happy. And each and every time, you ruin it by
shouting to move faster and reducing our attentiveness to each customer, yelling
at kids. All for a little extra cash! I mean if that isn’t evil I don’t know
what is. Taking happiness for a dollar, that’s pure greed.
I’d argue that it doesn’t even make economic sense. A
slightly slower line for a higher quality experience probably equates to more
returning customers. I don’t have any numbers, that’s just intuition. Kids don’t
care about the line, they just want to ride the ride and have fun. If you make
a kid cry they’re not coming back.
But I just nod my head. I could quit, but I figure I’m doing
more good by staying than by leaving. I can still smile and be helpful and make
sure people have a good time even if I’m not supposed to. And Dylan can fire me
then if he wants. But then he’s short a person and the line will move even
slower. So I’m mini-maxing. Minimizing Dylan’s profits and maximizing the kid’s
time.
Plus I need the money.
In the end I got $284 for 24 hours work. They shorted me
$50. Way below minimum wage. Some more went to my Super fund. But I was still
ripped off. I could argue but I don’t care. I’m too tired, “shattered” as the
Brits say. I just want to get away from these people. They can’t be happy.
So I slump off. Ready for the non carny lifestyle. An office sounds nice.
