I carry around a lucky bottle cap at work. Really it’s not
lucky, but you’re not allowed to carry around trinkets without calling them
lucky. It’s just a regular bottle cap that says “Australian Beer Co.” on it and
I like to fiddle with it in my coat pocket while I walk around. I got it after
I drank a beer. And then I crushed it so it’s folded in on itself and kinda
feels like those chompers that are used to pry out staples. I like the feel of
it resisting the squish of my fingers and sometimes take it out and chomp the
stems of the leaves I’ve plucked.
I’m getting a little bored of slicing plants with a bottle
cap though. And I think I’ll move on from the strawbs in a little bit.
I’ve had a lot of jobs, as an expat and back when I was
normal. I wonder if that’s always been some sort of quaternary goal. To just
have had a bunch of jobs at the end of my life. Then, whenever anyone is
talking I can always sort of understand what a person does for work. Plus it
seems cool to just rattle off a bunch of stuff you’ve done.
Tom Waits croons “I’ve been a cabbie, and a stock clerk, and
a soda fountain jock jerk and a manic mechanic on cars” on I Can’t Wait to Get Off Work off of the phenomenal Small Change. And I think I got the idea
from that. He laments about trying to get off work in time to go see his “baby”
(always thought the choice of baby, babe, etc in love songs was weird). His purpose however, was to earn money
to spend it on his girlfriend. Which I get, it’s fun to have someone to spend
your money on.
But I’ll jump over that figurative
downtown-trashcan-on-a-sweaty-summer-day parkour style for a different
direction on Mr. Wait’s lyrics. I think I collect jobs.
I don’t really care about the money, or at least I’ve never been offered a job where the money was so significant that it outweighed the work. Although it’s pretty hard to measure, and I wouldn’t get too huffy about the data here, a general consensus is that between 50k and 75k your happiness based on income plateaus. I make about 40k looking at strawbs if you extrapolate, I won’t work a full year at this job. So like, close enough for happiness I figure.
I think I really like learning new things. But they have to
be new. Obviously I haven’t learned everything about strawberries, I’m not a
strawberry God. I can’t cure the “red rust” disease that’s shown up in the Red
Rhapsody, and I’m unwilling to scour the books on strawbs that I used to read
my first few weeks on the job. But I’m pretty good at strawberries now and I
think I’m ready to move on to something new. To become the Goombella of jobs.
My grandpa had a bunch of jobs too. I don’t believe in much
of the “follow in your father’s footsteps” narrative, but can’t deny that some
of you is made up of someone else. He was in the army, and built the first
computers and actually wait a minute. He was in the US army. Stationed in the
Aleutian islands, and he went to college on the GI Bill. But he was an
immigrant from Sweden. Why would the army take foreigners?? WWII?? Maybe. I
dunno, it was def easier to become a citizen then. But still, seems a bit off.
Anyway, army, college in the US for undergraduate, Oslo for
his masters. And I had always thought that both my grandparents on my mom’s
side were Norwegian. Last year, I found out my grandpa’s real nationality was
Swedish. Changed my whole life. So weird. He was also a candy bar boy. He’d
ride his bike around and sell candy bars. Maybe he just ate them. I can’t
remember. He does have diabetes now. But he used to have a photographic memory!
He’s super cool and I should read his autobiography. But he had a bunch of
jobs, he was a pro athlete too!
In Australia they have well paying jobs. The minimum wage is
about $15/hr USD and they also do cool things like force you to have a
retirement fund. Which isn’t great when you’re me and probably won’t retire
here and need to eat today. But I’m sure it makes sense in the context of
society, and I get all that money back once I leave.
I was talking to Anton without I wasn’t in America. Where I
live there are a lot of young family’s and I was thinking, wow all these people
are screwed. Family at 23? You can’t feed yourself on a hair dresser’s wage.
And Anton was like why not? And I was like it’s nearly unskilled labor, better
than fruit picking but it’s def not supportable. And he was like of course it
is. That’s why people do it.
And it’s true, pretty much any job here is livable. There
are like five poor people. Plus the aboriginal community which is pretty messed
up. They’re not poor per se, but it’s a more complicated issue than just
employment. I wanna learn more about that before I write about.
Anton and I agree that while this is ease of livable wages
is nice, it discourages ambition. And that’s like your classic capitalist
argument, but it’s totally correct. If your goal is financial comfort, you can
get that pretty easily.
There’s plenty of money in being a “tradie”, there’s tons of
mechanics, construction, stylist or whatever jobs. University degrees are shorter,
around 3 years, and often more focused on an occupation than learning, nursing,
business, law, and education are your go-tos. Totally nothing wrong here, a lot
of people will prefer it to the diverse education you get in America. But it
kinda feels low risk.
America is much more high risk high reward. You wanna study
butter types?? Sure, but good luck with that as a degree. It’s all up for grabs
in the US. And maybe you’ll be a butter mogul or maybe your debt will keep you
chained up forever.
In Australia you get whatever job you want and get your pay
check. And that’s not bad inherently, you can still go do whatever you want
with great gusto. But Maybe you jump a little further if you know no one will
catch you. That’s the difference between America and Australia, Australia has a
much bigger buffer, and America forces you to be a little better than you think
you can (be).
Also income tax for me is like 33% here and 12% in the US. I
get my Aussie tax back to be processed under US tax. So if you’re smart, you’d
take a year off before college and work in unskilled labor here for a year.
Then come back with like 20,000 easy in cash. So ya know, life advice for the
children.
Birddddd Segment
There’s a lot of birds here in Australia, pretty sure it’s
the most number of species in a country, but that’s not that hard, it’s a huge
country with a lot of biomes. Anyway I hate birds. But since there’s tons of
them here I figure I’ll write about them. But I won’t learn about them. I’m
going to make my own names and mythology for the birds.
 |
| A Shitty Little Blood Pigeon |
Blood Pigeon – AKA Blood Chickens, are a semi-common parrot-esque bird with stark white covering their bodies. This soft beige is only broken by the all
too apparent blood coloring dribbling from their beaks down their torso. They achieve
this sanguine color from their consistent feeding on supple flesh. Blood Pigeons
aren’t very intelligent but school in packs of 6 or more, swarming on weak and
bleeding animals and humans. They’re said to be able to sense an open wound
from 3 miles away. Obsidian beaks are effective means for digging out the
viscera of those unfortunate enough to stumble upon a hungry pack of blood
pigeons.
Despite their violent tendencies, blood pigeons have intricate
mating processes and are monogamous. The female produces the egg to be marked
upon by male suitors. Males drizzle their most recent kill into patterns on the
egg. The female will knock over the egg if the male does not meet her artistic
and partnership requirements. Usually this results in the death of the
unhatched. However, some of these survive and become rogue blood pigeons,
doomed to operate outside of a brood. If the female accepts the males offering,
they mate for life and form strong familial packs.
And here’s me playing “All My Loving”. One of those songs
that just falls under your fingers and comes out slick. Too easy mate.
